October 24, 2011

My Moment Of Crazy...

My 6-year old 'baby' is on his first grade school trip today.  The kids were bussed to Burlington to see Jack Grunsky perform.  I remember trips like this, the excitement of taking a school bus with my friends, the excitement of going somewhere other than school for the day!  Big-A has never been on a school bus before and I’m sure that this experience alone will go down in his top 5 moments of the year!  This is the kid lucky enough to live 4 minutes from school, who begs me on a weekly basis to take the bus!

I know how exciting this day is for him, and how important it is to allow him this type of independence.  But even this knowledge won’t cure the knots forming in my stomach and throat when I picture him on his own...without my hubby or I present...essentially with a bunch of strangers in a strange place.

I’m trying to focus at work and I can’t.  I’m trying to forget the consent form that I filled out weeks ago, acknowledging that my child could get hurt (or worse..) during this trip.  I’m trying to remove from my mind the knowledge that there are a lot of bad people out there who want to hurt little kids.  But I can’t.

I’m kicking myself for being rushed this morning and not going over the ABC’s of safety with him; DON’T talk to strangers; DON’T leave your friends/teacher/group; DON’T go anywhere without talking to your teacher first including the bathroom!  I know that he knows this stuff.  We go over it all the time.  I am the mom who sends him off to Blue Jays games with daddy, equipped with a Safety Wristband and note in his pocket with all contact phone numbers.

I know that there are things in life that I can’t control, and so many other things to worry about.

But this is my moment of crazy and I’m allowing myself to have it.

I’m sure the next trip will be easier on me, as the second day of school was - less worry each time.  It’s just so hard to let go.  It’s so hard to release them to this big, scary world with a confident smile on my face.

I guess this is all part of the highs and lows of parenthood.  I’ll enjoy my high tonight when I’m greeted at the door by two happy boys, hearing all about Big-A’s exciting day.  And I’ll forget all about my moment of crazy...

2 comments:

Lena! said...

Hugs, friend! I can't believe I just came across this post. Rest assured, you are totally entitled to such moments of crazy, and there will be many more to come, which you will handle splendidly as well!

Shauna MacKenzie said...

I've had many, as I'm sure you have, and I expect many more to come! I keep hoping that with the passing of each milestone I'll be stronger...